Pressure is a privilege; how exposing yourself to risk of failure early can lead to success later when the stakes are high
Why don’t people enjoy being under pressure? Why aren’t we more motivated to be under the gun with short deadlines, or afraid to be put in the game when the stakes are high. Why are we afraid of opportunities to succeed when the chances of failure are equally as high. It’s because the moment we’re faced with adversity or a challenge, we’re consumed with stress and overwhelmed with self doubt and anxiety. While I don’t go out of my way to purposely put undue pressure on myself, I recognize that I’ve never walked away from a stressful moment the same person. Like a physical activity that builds a callus on your hands or feet, those moments of pressure have built thick calluses on my emotions and have made me more resilient when I do fail. In the same regard, getting the game winning hit in a little league game, making a big basket as the clock winds down, or getting an A on a mid-term exam have been huge for my self esteem and confidence. Being under pressure is a part of life. The roller coaster of emotions caused by these moments are not only unavoidable, they’re necessary and a critical part of character building and our success in life. As an adult reflecting on my youth, I’ve realized how important these stressful moments were and how they’ve shaped who I’ve become. I’ve learned that pressure truly is a privilege and as a parent it’s my duty to ensure my children have opportunities to succeed and fail. They need to be exposed to moments which they wish they prepared more for and they need to know how it feels to fail so they appreciate the hard work needed to win. It’s a tough world, competition exists in almost every aspect of life, letting our children feel pressure at a young age is the best way to build resilience and self defense mechanisms for the future. They need to know what to do and how to react when the stakes are high.
I first heard the phrase “pressure is a privilege” while watching a post wrestling match interview of a Blair Academy student. The young man had just won his match and it resulted in a team win over a nationally ranked opponent. I thought about what the kid had said for a few days and then it clicked for me. Regardless of the outcome, moments that we’re faced with pressure, especially at a young age can have a tremendous impact on how we handle stress as an adult. Succeed or fail, experiencing these moments when we’re young helps prepare us for future situations when pressure and stress undoubtedly become a way of life that we need to navigate. Competitive sports or other extra curricular activities are great ways to become accustomed to these pressures that can ultimately lead to success or failure. Striking out in a big game, missing a note during a big recital, or even failing a math test can be chalked up to lessons learned about the importance of preparation.
The pressures I’ve had in life whether it was in sports, school, or a big presentation I’ve had to give at work has instilled a strong work ethic and has taught me a lot about my strengths and weaknesses. I’ve walked into meetings underprepared, I’ve struck out looking in a big game with an opportunity to take the lead on the line and I know from personal experience failure sucks. The thoughts of letting my team down is even worst. I’ve learned from my past failures of being under prepared and stumbling over my own words during a big presentation. The feelings I had after failing were enough for me to turn pressure into personal drive for success. For me, the pressure to succeed has made me a better teammate, a more prepared leader and someone who appreciates that success doesn’t come easy.
Appreciating the pressures we face in life can be instantaneous, especially when we are successful, but finding value in the stress pressure can cause often doesn’t come until much later in life. It’s hard to see any positives when coming up short, failing to achieve a goal, or screwing up a big project. I can also empathize that it’s hard to find value in losing sleep due to pressure. It’s not until we’ve been able to self reflect, learn from our mistakes and make corrections that we can appreciate the value in a lesson learned. Failing is a part of growing up, becoming who we are, and we shouldn’t be afraid to take on the pressures of a tough task.
Watching my military career begin to sunset after more than 20 years, I’ve learned we do no favors to ourselves, direct reports we’re mentoring, or our children when we allow them to avoid pressure. It shows them that we don’t have confidence they can handle stress. Worst, personally avoiding pressure deprives you of building self-confidence needed to compete and succeed. Facing early pressure builds toughness and gives you the greatest opportunity for success when the stakes are high. There is no greater pressure than putting men and women in harm’s way. No other pressure like briefing a mission statement knowing that a single mistake could result in the loss of life. Most humbling, there is no pressure like looking at an 18-year-old kid who trusts emphatically that you’re going to make the right tactical decisions to ensure they get home alive. I’m fortunate that the pressures I had on me to succeed as a young kid being an athlete, a student and teammate, later contributed to my success as a leader in the Army. It built the calluses and confidence I needed to stay strong, resilient and maintain mental agility. So, to all my Company Commanders and Platoon Leaders under the pressure of command as we strive for excellence, it could be your greatest privilege before the stakes get high.
